A while ago I came across to some online discussion about spouses wearing their husband/wife’s military rank, and even using it as a tool against other, (lower-ranking) service member’s spouses, or even worse getting their spouses’ chain of command involved in their personal problems. I was shaking my head. And I was disgusted.
Military is a choice of career. Being a soldier is an occupation. Military is a professional environment. Although not in a traditional 9-5 meaning, it still is a workplace. While military requires more from the whole family than some other jobs, the responsibility of the work itself is on the service member’s shoulders. However, still I read and hear about spouses who either hide behind the other half’s rank, or go after the chain of command for various reasons: when they have been mistreated by someone, when the spouse is having a hard time in the military with his/her peers, ….. there are spouses meeting with commanders and trying to beg another chance for a spouse who has by his/her own behavior ruined his/her military career … the list is never-ending.
My blunt, honest questions is how some people can do it? Or why they do it?
It would never, ever come to my mind to hide behind my husband’s rank. It is his career. I have my career. Furthermore, I would never accept him being involved in my professional life beyond normal collegial socialization, nor I want to be involved in his professional career – beyond the social and formal events. If he had a problem with his job or colleagues, I would tell him to go and figure it out himself. Honestly, I can’t come up with any, single reason why I would need to escalate something to his chain of command.
Maybe I am missing something but I don’t understand why some military spouses are so eager to get into other person’s job environment. My career in the corporate world started already in 1998, over a decade ago, and I have never seen spouses behaving like this – nor as a manager I would have not tolerated it.
Drama queens? Bored? What is it? If there is an explanation or theory on this, I would love to hear it.
You know I have seen a lot about this recently! I have just learned to keep my mouth shut about it on my blog as my opinion is not the one often viewed. It is spouses to those of ALL ranks and yet O wives get the brunt of it. I just saw something floating around facebook about it too. I think it is a complex most wives have that they are just as much a part of the military as their husband and while I admit I am sometimes very guilty of thinking a certain way, or acting a certain way, going to my husband’s chain of command for ANYTHING is simply something I would never, ever do. It is simply not my place.
I was thinking for quite some time whether or not to write about this… and eventually I simply got so grossed out that I couldn’t let the topic be.
Spouses really should get their own life and interests, and stay out of the other half’s professional life.
Hugs to you from AK!
I completely agree with you, I don’t understand it at all. It would be ridiculously weird and out of line if my husband went to my boss for anything. Why in the world would I do that? Especially, over anything petty that doesn’t directly involve the military.
You and me – both. I am just so glad to know that it is not only me who is completely puzzled by this behavior. Like seriously, getting spouse’s boss or colleagues involved in anything triggered by a spouse. Geesh … it is ridiculous.
This has come to irritate me as I have someone harassing me and threatening to go to my husband’s command about things I do, that I don’t do. I’ve had friends come to me with what she’s saying about me and it’s what she’s doing to me but she plays victim. My friends and I have come to the conclusion that some wives have too much time for themselves and like to play victim.
For me personally my husband’s LPO knows I don’t want certain people in our car, they use their rank to get rides from my husband. So my husband went to his LPO and said I didn’t like it because they left trash in the car, which they did. So LPO put a stop to it. No more rides. There is a system and your husband knows how to work it. So if something happens (oh a second class PO smashed a cigarette in our floor board) you tell your husband and let him handle it. Meanwhile if that second class calls or a ride my husband says I said no lol
That’s the right thing to do – have the service member spouse to deal with things that are related to his/her work.
I say they’re bored. Most of the yucky things that Ive seen from spouses spurs from boredom.
That’s what I was thinking too… and why I so strongly promote spouses to come up with their own careers, or at least getting involved in their own hobbies. Everything does not revolve around the army spouse’s service. Even though it may dictate some of the decisions and possibilities.
Such an interesting topic! This is something I did not see much at our previous base… but now being here on the Joint Base… I am seeing it more than ever! I would never use my husbands rank for or against me. That is insane! And he would not approve either!
I’ve seen it a lot online, but haven’t run into it as much here in AK… then again, we don’t live on base/post, so I may not be the best judge.
I keep hearing about it, even though we don’t live on post either.